Midday Connection

A safe place to process your story.

Midday blog: Sorry

The other day I watched this video and while I cheered, I also got a little teary-eyed.  I believe that most women can tend to apologize too much for things that aren’t their fault!  I left the house feeling confident and we went to a party.  As I entered the room that was loud with laughter and conversation, I immediately felt my introverted, shy self feel less confident.  I heard someone mention a cheese tray, which gave me something to look for and do, so I wound my way through the crowd, seeking cheese and crackers.  As I navigated the crowd, a man suddenly stepped back and waved his arms as he told a story and he ran right into me.  Immediately, I said, “Oh! Sorry!”  He said, “That’s okay.” and he went back to his story.  Sigh.  I was so disappointed with myself!  Why did I apologize when I’d done nothing wrong?  How did I so quickly step back into being a “Christian Nice Girl”, saying “sorry”?

This issue of being quick to apologize is bigger than “who’s right/who’s wrong” – it’s an indication of something deeper going on.  Why do I so naturally fall back in to apologizing for taking up space?  For most of my life, I’ve struggled with feeling like I don’t have the right to take up space.  I would often dismiss my own voice, feeling insignificant and unworthy of being listened to.  God has been healing me in this area over the past few years.  I want to live confidently and fully into how God created me, living as God’s good woman.

For one week, try to notice how often you and women around you say, “I’m sorry”.  Reflect on what you noticed and ask God if He might be speaking to you about that.

Lori NeffLori Neff is the senior producer of Midday Connection and editor/contributor for Daily Seeds: From Women Who Walk in Faith and Tending the Soul (Moody Publishers). She grew up in a small town in Ohio, spending more time outside in nature than inside. Lori is a graduate of Moody Bible Institute. Her interests include art, humanitarian aid efforts, cooking, gardening, coffee, thinking, learning and spending time with her husband, John (and their three fiesty cats). For more information and her blog please visit Lori’s website.

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8 thoughts on “Midday blog: Sorry

  1. jjanosz on said:

    Love this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How often do I say “sorry”??? Way, way, way too often. Good word, Lori. Now I have to remember not to do this. It is a bad habit. I am a people pleaser, and this is my way of trying to gently insert what I want. But it is a bad habit. Such a good reminder.

  2. zebrawoman on said:

    What great timing for this post. I just found myself apologizing to someone for something he did to me. lol

  3. Brian Barb on said:

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. I’ve said “Excuse me” and the other person says “That’s okay.” Or the other person says “Excuse me” and I reply “Excuse ME.” It’s not that big a deal. In fact, it’s almost a formality.

  4. Kathy Thompson on said:

    Just this week in the grocery store, a woman was pushing her cart while talking on her phone. She slammed right into me and instantly I said, “Oh, excuse me!” She shrugged and went on. I went on, as well, but felt guilty that I had disturbed her. Yikes!

  5. Donna Sparks on said:

    My husband and son have scolded me (gently, of course) frequently for this. Why do we do it??? I’m working on it…

  6. Marilyn on said:

    Excellent blog, Lori Neff. Saying “sorry” in my mind, was kind of like saying “bless you” after someone sneezes…until l heard my, now, 14 year old granddaughter saying it in a self-diminishing way. I was horrible-ized! She learned it from her mom who learned it from HER mom…me. Thank you for posting the commercial. It is a mirror, is it not? It gives us a clue about how to substitute more appropriate words in the place of “sorry.” Ladies, let’s practice this with intention!

  7. Mary Becker on said:

    Thank you Lori for this post. I thought I was the only one who did this. Guess I was wrong about that. I am working on my self esteem and trying to keep from apologizing over things I haven’t been responsible for.

  8. Rebecca Ann on said:

    excellent post. I once bumped into coffee table and said “excuse me”!

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